What is the difference between being nice and being kind? And if kindness is an innate ability in humans, why does our society make it so challenging?

As part of Menlo’s ongoing all-school culture building work this year, seventh graders spent the morning grappling with these complex questions and strategizing ways to cultivate kindness in our community. “Being kind really is being a leader,” said Middle School Counselor and Human Skills Teacher Kaila Uniacke. “Being kind to one another is speaking up, slowing down, offering help, or any simple act to make someone’s life a little better.”

The lesson kicked off by asking students what was the last kind thing someone did for them. Student responses included nice gestures like a compliment on their clothes, holding a door open, or helping with homework. But while being nice often has a people-pleasing, transactional motive and can be done passively, Ms. Uniacke explained that being kind doesn’t always evoke feelings of happy butterflies and sunshine. “True kindness is uncomfortable,” she shared. “It requires us to put energy that could go into ourselves into the care of others.” She wants students to understand that this form of leadership does not require a certain title, income, or status, and that it’s something we can all do everyday.

Ms. Uniacke gave examples of kindness—from sticking up for a friend who is being mistreated to waiting until everyone is done eating before getting up from the lunch table. “My greatest takeaway was to be kind because everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about,” shared Lila ’30. “A little act of kindness can mean so much to someone.”

Our individualistic, work-driven society has fostered such profound disconnection that we often fail to recognize or acknowledge the importance of kindness. Shared Ms. Uniacke, “The goal of this lesson is to foster a collectivist culture of kindness by overcoming all of the obstacles that our society has created to make being kind so challenging—or ‘cringe’ as the middle schoolers say.”

One major barrier for students is the fear of uncertainty that comes with going out on a limb for someone while not knowing how they will react. Fortunately, they came to a consensus that there’s only one way to find out. So the lesson ended with students pledging at least one simple act of kindness, putting in writing how they plan to put the “I” in “kind.” Taj ’30 chose to call her grandparents. “Reaching out and connecting can make a relative’s day, and you never know how much a simple call or text means to them,” she said with a smile.

“The act of kindness that I chose to do was to contact a former teacher,” shared Laila ’30. Our teachers work so hard to help us learn through engaging challenges and experiences; I hope my message made her feel appreciated and that she succeeded in instilling a love of learning within me.”